That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
