haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
