Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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