did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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