Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
