You work out of a Hotel?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
