I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
