Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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