You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
