hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You ruined the universe
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
