Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
