Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
