We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
