So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
