she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
