Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
