its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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