he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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