I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
