it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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