Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We left the knife in your bed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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