i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
