k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
