let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
