I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
