I wish you could order shots online.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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