and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
