my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
