No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
