the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
