Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
