He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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