Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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