I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
