based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
