I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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