It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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