I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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