i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
