Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
