plz talk dirty to me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
