its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
