it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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