You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
