He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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