I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
