you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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