4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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