Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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