I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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