This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
