It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
