He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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