i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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