Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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