No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
