____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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